Historic Corregidor

My highschool friend and I visited Corregidor last June 9. It was a first visit for both of us. I always wanted to visit Corregidor but was not able to because of lack of resources and time. But now I'm glad that I was finally able to visit. It was a great experience going to such a historical place. It's sad to think of the tragedy that befell such a scenic island and the thousands of lives lost, Filipino, American and Japanese. While touring the island, you can see the relics of the past, the once beautiful American base that was one of the last bastions of the Allies to fall during the Japanese invasion in 1941.

We took a packaged tour so when we docked at Corregidor port, there were tour buses waiting for us. The buses were a surprise because the sides were open and the armrest was the only thing that kept me in my seat when the driver took the curves a little too fast. I think the buses look like the cable cars in San Francisco that I see on tv. The buses even had bells instead of horns.

We saw the bombed structures, the artillery relics, the memorial parks, the museum and other tourist spots around the island. We also joined the light and sound show in the Malinta Tunnel. The show was not very long and the effects were not really that great but listening to the reconstruction of the last days of Filipino and American soldiers, the nurses, doctors and those others who took refuge in the tunnel during the invasion of the Japanese forces was very affecting. It was history brought alive, and not history as just factual statement of facts in history books. Hearing the voices of President Quezon, Gen. Douglas McArthur, the Filipino soldier who declared the surrender of Corregidor to the Japanese soldiers, etc., moved me deeply. It felt funny hearing Pres. Quezon's voice. It's not what I expected him to sound like. I'm not sure how I thought he would sound like but his voice surprised me. Maybe at the back of my mind he'd had have deep, midnight voice, like a deejay maybe, but I can no longer describe his voice since more than six months have passed since my visit to Corregidor. What I can only remember now, was my surprise.

There were moments during the diorama that I was moved to tears. Just hearing the sound of the bombs dropping, the sounds that the sick and injured made, the conversations between the nurses and soldiers as they tried to snatch a little bit of happiness during such a horrendous nightmare, these are the things that history books don't mention. These things make you realize that these were real people with real emotions, fears and hopes, and not just statistics indicated as casualties of war. These are the things that I, who has not experienced a war, forget or do not completely comprehend. It was ironic that the tunnel which became the tomb of Filipino and American soldiers during the Japanese invasion, became the tomb also of the Japanese soldiers during the retaking of the island by the Americans.

Now, after such a bloody history, Corregidor has been developed as a tourist spot that serves as a reminder of the atrocities of war, a memorial for the brave soldiers, Filipino, American and Japanese, who were victims of some men's hunger for power and world domination.

Year End Report

What a year it was! I got rejected twice and a long time dream died, but it was still a good year. My last post was about my application to the Japanese Scholarship. Suffice it is to say, that was my first rejection. But the good news is that my friend got accepted. I was very happy for her however, I was sad for myself, and maybe a little envious of her good fortune. But life goes on and I was able to bounce back quickly because I had an alternative. I was going to apply for a scholarship to Germany. I had a hard time finishing my application to Germany because I was tired already. I was tired of chasing that dream but something pushed me on. I thought what if I did not apply, then I may never know if I could have made it or not. But I swore that it was going to be the last one. If I didn't get accepted, then no more applications. I'm not up to asking for another letter of recommendation from my college professor, I've been asking for letters of recommendation since 2001 and still no master's degree to show for. And no way was I going to go to HR and ask for another endorsement from the Chairman and have my plans talked about in the office, especially when they don't push through.

I finally had my papers in order before the October 15 deadline. In all my applications, this was the one I really worked hard on and the one where I really poured my heart and soul. And this was also the one where I never asked God for a sign. When I finally mailed my application, I strove not to think about it. I was quite successful because things were so hectic at work. We were preparing for an international conference. Then during the weekends, I had my German and yoga classes. It was also during this time that God was quiet. No signs, no verses, and no texts. So I thought, maybe it would be different from the previous ones, or maybe not. I was really trying to think positive because I felt that this could be it.

Then the fateful day arrived. It was the beginning of December and I have been checking my email everyday for any news from the school but so far nothing. It is my habit to attend mass on Wednesdays and Fridays, aside from the obligatory Sunday mass. While I was kneeling during the consecration, a thought popped into my mind, how was I going to make it in graduate school if I cannot even study well for my german language exam that was going to take place on the 8th and 15th of December. But I dismissed the thought quickly. Of course, I can make it work. I have to. So after the mass I went home with no idea that it was the day that something was going to die. I got home and my grandmother let me in. I saw a small stack of letters waiting, one was for me and the rest were for my mother. The envelope was very plain and very thin. When I saw the word "Luftpost" I knew that this was the answer. But the fact that the envelope was so thin, I knew that the answer was not the one that I wanted. Still, I made myself open it and read the contents of the letter. I even skipped the first part and went straight to the second paragraph that said I did not make it. What was more, it said that even if I financed myself, due to my ranking, I would still not be able get in. Yeah right, like I had enough money to finance a study in Europe. After I read it, I hurried upstairs because I did not want my grandmother to ask why I was crying. I really cried like my heart was breaking, writing this now, I still feel a little tearful. Anyway, when I was able to calm myself, I texted my bestfriend and told her about the news. She comforted me saying that maybe it was not God's will and that it was just my will all along. But what realyl struck me was when she said that, in truth, I was not really an industrious student. She echoed my earlier sentiment. Don't get me wrong, I'm a good student, I never had failing marks in my report cards and class cards, and I was even a sporadic dean's lister in college. But studying is really not my forte, as evidenced by four incomplete subjects when I tried taking up a master's degree.

With the death of that dream, I am now at loose ends. Before, my life was somewhat shaped by my desire to get a scholarship abroad, hence, my career path, working in government. It is easier to get a scholarship if you work for the government than when you work for a private company, but apparently, it's not true for me. Hehehe. Anyway, now I can think about applying outside government service. I still don't know what I will do. I'm still trying to seek God's will in my life. Maybe now I can see His will more clearly without the blinders of my desire to study abroad. I don't know if I should still pursue a master's degree here or what degree I should pursue because if I continue to stay at my current job, I need to get a graduate degree if I ever hope to get promoted.

Maybe this coming year will start me in the right path through God's leading. Maybe I'll finally be able to travel abroad and start my life's adventure. Maybe I can even now contemplate marrying, even without prospects for now. Hehehe. That's what life is all about, always hoping that tomorrow will be better than today, and that after every death, there is resurrection.

Boracay Pics

Faith Adventures

This is a continuation of my search for a scholarship. A lot has happened since August. For one, I wasn’t able to find a scholarship to study at the University of Kassel. So I was kind of down for sometime but like a ball I bounced back again. Come October a college friend called me up to ask for contact numbers of our college professors. She was going to apply for a scholarship in Japan. To make the long story short, she convinced (not very hard) me to apply also. First off, I was never keen on studying in Japan, second, I never considered taking up Public Administration, and third, if possible, I don’t want a return of service clause. However, I decided, “why not”? Desperate times called for desperate measures. I had only a little more than two weeks lead-time because it was already early in October when I decided and the deadline was October 25, 2006. So I hurriedly complied with the requirements. It was a miracle that I was able to complete them in a record time considering how the bosses, whose signatures I needed to secure, were always out of the office for meetings. I had a training on October 25 and the venue was near the office where I had to submit the requirements. Sometimes, even if everything falls into place during preparation time, it still does not guarantee the outcome you want. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of my self.

In short, I was able to beat the deadline and just had to wait for feedback. Two days after I submitted, I got a call from JICE, the Japanese contractor for the scholarship. They were asking me to reconsider my first and second choices of universities because there were a lot of applicants for those schools while there were few applicants for the other equally good schools. I asked for the weekend to think and look over the other universities. So on Monday morning, I called them up and changed my second choice of university from Meiji to Keio while maintaining my first choice ICU. A couple of days later they called up to confirm that my first choice was Keio. I laughed and gave in gracefully. In fairness, after I called them on Monday, I was already thinking that I liked Keio but was just too chicken to call back again. Some things seemed to affirm that Keio was indeed a better choice for me. One, Keio was top 129 among 500 universities worldwide while I could not find ICU in the list. Second, after I read their brochure again and looked over their courses carefully, I saw that there were courses on Germany and German as a second language. Since I’m studying the German language now, it seemed that I would still get to pursue my interest in Germany even if I’m in Japan. These just seemed to be good omens. (Can omens be really good? There just seems to be something dark about the word. I guess because of its association to the movie.)

December came and I received a text (December 11) from my friend that she passed the first screening and was scheduled for an interview the following day. I was nervous because I wasn’t called yet. The call finally came late in the afternoon. My interview was scheduled January 9. December was a bad month for me. For three weekends in a row I was able to attend Sunday masses because of bad colds, asthma, and to top it off, I managed to badly sprain my ankle two days before Christmas. These took my mind off my coming interview.

January 9 rolled in and I went to NEDA for the interview. I botched it up. I was stumped when they asked me about my work. I really had a hard time trying to explain the multiple tasks I do at the office that kind of defies description. Fortunately, the interview was more of a formality thing and everybody passed. The next step was the IELTS and math exams. I was able to review a little bit for both IELTS and math. I was quite confident about my English but not so with my math. Exam day came (January 20). I felt that the IELTS was relatively easy but I floundered badly with the math. IT WAS NOT BASIC MATH for me. The Japanese proctor told us that it was junior high school math for the Japanese. The tests were done on a Saturday but the speaking component of my English test was still on Monday so I had the weekend to stew over the speaking exam. My friend had her speaking exam on the same day. After the exams, I decided to drop by Megamall because I had to buy a swimsuit for my four-day vacation in Boracay. While in Mega, I decided to attend the anticipated mass. I had goose bumps when the priest told the homily. He was emphasizing on how God had a great plan for all of us and how we should surrender to His will. I was thinking, “Does this mean I’m not going to get the Japanese scholarship? That God has another plan for me?” I was little teary eyed after that. Even though you know that God’s plan is greater than our plans, it’s still hard to wait for his plan and it’s still disappointing if your plans fall through.

We were told that results would be available two weeks after. JICE would call us either on a Friday or Saturday to inform us if passed or not. So off I went to Boracay, with the two-piece swimsuit I managed to find in Megamall after the mass, to enjoy myself. The two-week wait did not seem so long.

…to be continued