Making a corner of hell in heaven

It’s getting very hard to go to work. It’s harder than when I first started. To think I was having a hard time adjusting during that time. I was not getting on well with my new superior. I had three bosses who had different ideas on what I should do and I was feeling very put upon. Now I get along well with my superior and my other officemates. I have two groups of great friends in the office. I know I’m blessed but it’s much harder when I feel am the problem. I feel that I’m not giving the job my best. The burden of guilt, of knowing that my best is not enough, that I’m not suited for the job, is making me uncomfortable. The problem is that I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m afraid to ask for directions. It’s much harder to cope with than dealing with external forces like suspicious bosses or hellish officemates. It’s hard filling up the hours with meaningful work when I don’t know the meaning of my work. Ignorance is not bliss. I’ve tried reading related literature to help me come up with the expected output but it seems too little an input. I just want to escape. I’m an insomniac lying in a bed of roses. Everything is cushy and comfortable but sleep is elusive. Aaargh!!!!