Dreams

I wrote this last August 16, just after midnight

It’s quite late already and I need to go to sleep because I have to wake up early tomorrow. I can’t sleep in since I can’t afford to be late again but I have write this down before I forget.

Today, or should I say yesterday since it’s already past midnight, was the Feast of the Assumption of Mother Mary into Heaven. My friend and I attended the 12:05 o’clock mass at the nearby chapel to celebrate the Feast. During the consecration, while we were kneeling to pray, I kept thinking for God to give me a sign regarding my request. I’ve been praying off and on for this thing for more than ten years now but for the past few months I have been bombarding Him with my pleas. Even though I’ve told Him that I will abide by His wishes and follow His will, I can’t still seem to stop asking Him for it. Reading the Bible, especially in the Old Testaments, you can’t help but feel a little envious of the close relationship God had with his prophets. He TALKED to them. Really talked plainly to them. I’m saying this because I’ve been trying to discern His will and I can’t seem to get a fix on it or I can’t seem to get a plain answer and I was afraid to ask for signs because I might not interpret it correctly and delude myself. Before you ask where I am going with this, I asked God as I knelt there in the chapel to talk to me like he did to the prophets. I said (being a product of my generation), “Answer me through text.” That’s right. I wanted His answer to come through SMS or short message sending or through what we Filipinos have made into a phenomenon, texting. I wanted God to text me. I was expecting after the mass to see a forwarded message from one of my friends that will sort of answer my question. But alas when I looked at my phone, all I saw was the black screen broken by the thick gray line denoting the time.

As the day progressed into night I forgot about it. I went on to watch TV and read a pocketbook. I forgot about my phone specially since I’ve put it in silent mode. It was almost 11:00 o’clock before I got around to checking it. That’s when I got my answer. A former officemate forwarded me a message. It reads: Prayer works best when nothing else works at all. “Men always ought to pray and not lose heart.” Lk 18:1”

I have applied for a place at the Universtät Kassel to take up Master in Higher Education last June. I received a communication from the department that I passed the initial screening but I still have to wait for the green light from the University. Unless I receive the letter of admission I can’t start making arrangements to study there. Actually, even if I receive a letter of admission, which I have been on the look out for these past month, I would still not be able to make arrangements because I can’t afford to study in Germany. I don’t have a scholarship and I didn’t apply for any. I checked out websites of a dozen organizations but I haven’t found any that’s suitable for me and at such short notice since classes would commence in October of this year.

So I’ve been really praying that if it’s not really for me then let Him help me let go of the dream. I tried not to lose heart but with each day passing and no sign of the letter of admission and hope for a scholarship I was ready to let go and to start making new plans. But I still can’t let it go that’s why I asked Him for an answer earlier. And as usual, He answered, text through text. I can’t say I’m surprised with His sense of humor. I always knew He had one. Anyway, I looked up Luke 18:1 and found out that this was the beginning of the parable wherein Jesus, to illustrate to His disciples about not being discouraged and to continue praying, He told them the story of the old woman and the corrupt judge. The old woman wore out the corrupt judge with her constant plea for help. If the corrupt judge could give in after a long time of incessant plea, what more our Father in heaven.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and in what form God will answer my prayer but I’ll take comfort in knowing that He does listen to my prayers. The answer may not be what I expected or what I was asking for. All I know is that it will be better.

I need to sleep. I just hope I won’t be late but if I can’t wake up early then I still have 3 more tardiness to go before exceeding the 9-tardiness limit.

PS. I was not late the next day and later that week I received my letter of admission, twice, since I sent them my home and office address because I was afraid the postman won’t find our home address. I have not been able to receive my mobile plan bill since we moved because their messenger could not locate our house. I'm still looking for a scholarship…:)

Korky dog

Long overdue for posting also

I was walking along an alley near our house on my way to the office when I encountered Korky the dog, my nicknamesake :) (the same alley where I had a run in, literally, with a crazy woman.) He (I'm not sure but let's just assume Korky is a he) is an orange ball of a dog that looks like a lion, a chowchow breed I think. On that morning, Korky was enjoying a few minutes of freedom in the alley while his master, a little boy, was being fetched by his tricycle service on his way to school. Korky was sniffing and prancing in the alley while his mistress, the mother, was kissing her son goodbye. While still far from them, I was admiring the orange dog because he looked so cute and furry. When I neared them, I heard the lady call out, "Korky...Korky, come inside now." I can't help but smile when I heard the name. Either the lady was calling the dog or me because we were the only ones in the alley but since I didn't know her then she must have been calling the dog, the real Korky Dog :)

I got stuck with the Korky moniker when my friend Judsee took to calling me Korky Dog. I don't know why she had to add the dog part. She told me, I’m not sure but I think she called her dad, Father Duck. Hehehe. Since then, our other officemates started calling me Korky. Thank goodness the “dog” part was dropped.

Since that day, I’ve seen Korky twice more. Such a cute dog, he has to be to live up to the name. Hehehe

Tea Induced Insomnia

This is long overdue. I wrote this last month but never got around to posting it. So here goes:


It’s 2:15 am and I can’t sleep courtesy of the ice tea and hot green tea I drank earlier in the evening. I met two officemates from my previous work for dinner. One of them was in the country for a few weeks and we haven’t seen each other since he went abroad. I used to have a crush on him because of his sense of humor and intelligence. We both had the same shallow and somewhat corny sense of humor. We sporadically kept in touch through email or chat since he left. Sometimes his name would just pop-out of my inbox after a long hiatus. After a few exchanges he would again vanish as quickly as he came, until the next round of exchanges.

Some people get irritated with this kind of behavior but hey, I enjoy our exchanges while it’s going on. We might not have the deepest friendship and we never talk about anything earthshaking or even personal but I have plenty of other friends for those kinds of talks. There are different levels of friendship and just because it’s not as deep and as intense as the other friendships doesn’t mean it isn’t important. You also cherish it as you do the “deeper” friendships. Just because it’s the only thing that your friend can give doesn’t mean its not wholehearted. You have to accept both the friendship and the friend as they are with no expectation of something deeper whether in a platonic or romantic kind of way. Also, don’t compare what you both have with the friendship you share with others or what he/she has shared with others. Once you compare or your expectations are not met then you become dissatisfied and that puts a lot of strain to the friendship and eventually will lead to its demise. Don’t ask for what he/she is not capable of giving.